Sometimes, Synchronicity

After exploring the North Island, I wasn't seeing any signs pointing me in any direction. I was hoping for an indication that I was supposed to stay in New Zealand. Maybe I look too hard. I came all this way and I was not ready to give up. I called the airline the night before and changed my flight departure date to give myself two more weeks with hopes that maybe I would find what I was looking for - whatever that is.

I was trying to convince a woman I just met into joining me for an itinerary-less adventure. She had just arrived to New Zealand from the United States on a Working Holiday Visa. She said she needed to find a job first. I was trying to talk her out of that.

“You should explore before having any obligations! You’ll be back in two weeks! Find a job then. It’s an opportunity! An adventure!”

I was trying really hard. I didn’t want to go out there on my own. I would rather go with a complete strange whose name I didn’t even know than go alone. I heard about opportunities to relocate rental cars for free and I thought this would be a great way to travel! 

The things is, I was afraid to drive on the left side of the road and I wanted someone, anyone, to come with me.

A girl I met a couple of days before joined us at the table during this conversation. She interrupted my campaign and says. “I’ll come with you if we can hitchhike.”

My head began to buzz. "Really? Okay! You're sure? We are really doing this? Really? When should we head out? Okay!"

We exchanged a few more excited words and then she held her hand across the table for me to shake.   

I liked this gesture. The deal was sealed. And the excitement that there was now a no-plan filled my body!

It always works out; I always find my way.

Suddenly, in the background, I heard a familiar song from the television on the other side the room - and not just any song. This was not an especially famous song, but it has played a role in my life.

The buzzing in my head got louder as I felt the universe telling me that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

The song I heard belongs to my musician-friend, Israel, back in Oregon. We have actually talked about what he was thinking when he wrote it! And it was playing. From the television across the room. Here. In New Zealand.

Why now?

As my new travel companion, Emma, and I came up with a rough itinerary of the places we would go on the South Island, the commercial seemed to keep playing every couple of minutes. Over and over again.

(This is not the commercial, but this is the song:)

A couple days later, Emma and I found ourselves on the very scenic ferry ride across the Cook Strait from Wellington to Picton.

My new friend and travel companion, Emma, and I on the ferry crossing the Cook Strait. 

We spend the night in a really cozy backpacker next to a cemetery and with plans to begin the hitchhiking portion of our southbound adventure in the morning!

To be continued!

Because, Fear

If you had asked me as a young child, I would have told you my life goal was to go skydiving. Over the years, as I developed a fear of heights, the impulse to go skydiving morphed into something I would never, ever do.

How have I now found myself in New Zealand at an airport where I am about to… jump out of an airplane?

The idea came to me about a month earlier while riding on a transcontinental train from Philadelphia to Oregon. I heard a voice in my head that told me, “Go to the other side of the world and go skydiving. You have nothing to lose.” I hated that idea, but I knew it needed to happen. (I might be a crazy person.)

Everyone at this tiny airport is asking if I am okay, but I don’t want to talk about it. If I am honest about the fear consuming me, I may not follow through. I am in the depths of some kind of self-induced, self-destructive, terror.

When it comes down to it, I know that I am here because I need to prove to myself that I can push my own boundaries. I am here because I know I can get past fear and do anything.

Waiting to go skydiving - Do not confuse this face with one of bravery.

I have been told repeatedly that a double parachute failure is extremely rare. I am told that they have only seen two people vomit. (I am also told that they have never seen anyone poop their pants while skydiving, because I ask.)

After what feels like forever, a man comes over to attach some harnesses or something to me. I immediately notice he has the same intense blue eyes as me. He says his name is Andrew and I kind of feel like we are the same person, because of our eyes. He's going to jump with me. He sounds like he is from Ireland but I am too afraid of reality at this point to engage in small talk.

If I hear my voice, it might mean this is really happening.

The plane finally pulls up. Don't think. Just keep moving forward.

I cannot even describe the terror pulsating through my body. Everything hurts and I feel sick.

I know that if I don’t go through with it, the disappointment and regret will outweigh everything else. I can’t turn around now. No one has forced me to be here. 

Andrew and I get into the plane. He shows me a little red thing that I’m supposed to do something with in the event that the plane goes down, but I can’t process what he’s saying.

The plane takes off. We’re going higher and higher. The things on the ground are getting smaller and soon we are above the clouds. I’m looking out the window, remembering that I’m afraid of airplanes and feeling especially uncomfortable in this little tin can with wings. I hate this. There is no turning back.

Blue-eyed Andrew and my face full of fear.

I feel like I’m tired now and I’d rather just take a nap instead. Andrew hands me an oxygen mask.

The two guys sitting closest to the door roll it up. A huge burst of wind and noise fill the airborne tin can.

Those two guys. Guess what they do? They just jump out! I see them falling. They fall so much faster than I ever imagined.

I feel sick. What am I doing?

Andrew yells at me to scoot over to the door and… hang my legs over.

What have I done?

That is not an excited smile. I think my face just does that by default.

Don’t look at the ground. Don't look down. Don’t think. Don’t cause a scene. Oh, look at the wing.

And then.
We’re falling.

Noooo! I changed my mind!

We are falling.

We are falling and falling.

I see the ground. It is so far away. 

It feels terrible.

I don't need to breathe because the air is violently forcing itself up my nose.

And we're spinning. Spinning!

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! We’re going to spin out of control and we won’t be able to deploy the parachute! It’s going to get all tangled up!” I'm thinking.

I try to scream, “NO!” only to realize that the noise from the wind is SO loud! He can't hear me!

He spins us again and again.

I'm going to pass out.

I am alone.

Not smiling.

Andrew is having a great time!

Suddenly! WHOOSH!!!!!

THE PARACHUTE DEPLOYED! I AM PROBABLY GOING TO SURVIVE!

I'm thinking: Who am I?

It’s not until this moment, floating peacefully in the sky, that I realize... I did not poop myself. Thank you, body. Woo!

Andrew tells me to look at the smoking volcano, Mount Ruapehu (filmed as Mount Doom in Lord of the Rings)!

I’m alive.

My heart is racing so hard. I would not consider this a pleasant sensation in any way.

But do you know what? I did it.

I am terrified still, but I feel proud. I did it.

I did it.

The body of water is Lake Taupo - the result of a supervolcano!

 

When we eventually get to the ground, I fall over. I just want to lie in the grass. I want to be left alone.

I survived. I guess I can do anything.

Was there a moment that I thought I would actually not go through with it? Yes. The entire time. I can still barely believe I did it!

Would I do it again? I don't want to, but I would! 

Even though everything about this was horrifying, I could never be satisfied living a life where I am my own obstacle. 

I know I need to live my life in such a way that no one will even believe me. I need to live a life that I can barely believe in myself.

Stopover on Kauai

Arriving in Hawaii.

It had been almost nine years since I had seen Eric and I expected him to look exactly the same. He pulled up to the arrivals gate where I was waiting for him. As soon as I saw him, that huge smile, just the way I remembered it, spread across his face and it was like no time had passed at all.

Eric and I met freshman year of college when he sat behind me in English 101 and started telling me pirate jokes. He was intense, funny, and just enough crazy that we quickly became friends. He left the beginning of sophomore year to study in Hawaii for "one semester" and he was supposed to come back for the spring, but then keep delaying his return... And now here we are, 12 years or so later, and he is still there.

Over the years, our relationship often consisted of late-night phone conversations when I've either been drinking or suffering from insomnia. I really, really appreciate having a friend like him. He is always ready to have intense conversations about anything. He is by far one of the most genuine and passionate people that I have ever met.

Just like the last time I visited him on the Big Island in 2006, he was ready to provide me with an experience of Kauai the way most people will never have a chance to see it. 

He throws a trail book at me and tells me to navigate. While he drove, I attempted to follow the directions, which went something like: "Once the road ends, you'll drive though a couple of rivers, make a left at some tree with branches, another left at one of the forks" and so on. And of course there was no map.

There had been some heavy rains over the past few days and eventually we got to a very large puddle. Eric decided to walk in to determine how deep it was.

So, we aren't going to make it any farther on this road, but that's okay. He takes me to another trail that is more accessible. Luckily, the entire island is full of beauty.

Eric and his truck with our adventure awaiting in the background.

View from our hike just after I have arrived to the island.

#Selfie

Over the next few days, if Eric is working, he lets me drive his truck around to explore. If he is not working, he takes me on adventures.

View of the sunset from Eric's backyard.

During a hurricane in 1992, chickens got loose and now represent an ecological nuisance on the island.

I found this while exploring on my own one day.

Bamboo forest canopy.

On one of our hikes, Eric made me cross this waterfall. The rocks were really slippery, but we survived.

Another friend of mine, Pete Kartsounes, who had been traveling around the world for something like two years happened to be in Kauai at the same time as me. We met up to talk about where we had been and where we were going - life.

When I first met Pete in 2008, he was preparing to hike the 500 miles of the Colorado Trail to raise money for children with cancer. I remember meeting with him for breakfast in Boulder just after he returned from the hike and I wanted to know if he found the secret to life while hiking. I don't know that he gave me an answer, since I don't remember one, so I'm guessing he hadn't yet. I'm sure he is always getting closer though.

The more I travel, talk to people, move, experience, and leave my comfort zone, the more I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the secret to life is to just always be seeking and striving to be the best person you can be. Do you know what I mean? Just don't stop trying and don't stop growing. Ever. Don't ever think that you are better than anyone or know more. Be honest. Be thoughtful, patient, and kind. Be selfless and ask questions. There is always more to know and I think that the more we seek, the better off we all are. Say "yes", but don't be afraid to say "no" either.

But, what do I know, right? This is only my first time here.

This is Pete.
He is a musician and you should check out his music.

Pete contemplates the ocean.

A crowd of people had gathered here and we thought someone fell in.

But then we saw this sea turtle instead! The Hawaiian word for turtle is honu.

The following pictures are just from other places around Kauai during my visit.

On my last, full day on Kauai, Eric took me hiking. I don't remember the name of the place, except that he called it, "The Grand Canyon of Hawaii."

When we were in the parking lot, before beginning this hike, we overheard the couple in the car next to us talking about Portland. Eric knows how I feel about Oregon, so he made friends with them and the four of us hiked together for the day. They were really nice and when we completed the hike, we exchanged numbers so that I can dog-sit for them if I do end up there! 

For the last night in Kauai, Eric took me to this beautiful beach on the west coast to camp. We stopped on the side of the road to fill his truck with firewood. 

The view from our "camp site".

The small blob of color on the bottom corner is my friend, even if he just looks like a pile of towels.

While Eric played around on the beach, I stood by the shoreline to capture every moment of the sunset. Here are some of the pictures of the sun setting on the Pacific Ocean from the west coast of Kauai: 

The next afternoon, Eric drove me to the airport. We hugged goodbye. Then I walked into the airport full of excitement and fear. My next stop would be Auckland, New Zealand. I did not know anyone in there and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do when the plane landed, other than put one foot in front of the other and keep breathing.

A rainbow bids me farewell and good luck before I begin my next adventure: New Zealand.

---

If you have the time, I recommend watching this interview with Eric regarding the controversy surrounding the Thirty Meter Telescope project on the sacred volcano Mauna Kea. He is very passionate about this subject matter.